Control – why do we think we need it?

If we could list the one thing that causes the most anger, the most frustration, the most dissatisfaction, and is the biggest barrier to success, it would be our need for control.

As people we have developed unhealthy definitions of control.  I have a plan to cover all possible instances.  He is able to deal with anything.  She is a total task master. 

Control does not mean being able to plan well or be able to deal with multiple tasks or inputs.  It means being able to predict and impact other people’s decisions, reactions, and moods.  

Why is it we think we can control other people?  Why do we want to?

Instead why not prepare for each task with an understanding that others will react.  Be ready for what common objections and reactions will be and be confident to address the ones you didn’t expect.  Did others see something you missed?  How can you adapt?

You will quickly realize the tait you seek to be successful, prepared and to achieve what you want is in fact adaptability and not control.  Learn to be able handle and adapt to what coworkers, friends, for and life in general throws at you and others will envy the control you have over you life.   That is until you let them in on our secret that control doesn’t exist.

To adaptability and beyond!

Failure – why it is good for us and why we should talk about it

  Recent research into mental health best practices for a client led to a review of suicide rates, seasonal spikes and possible contributing events.  It turns out that spring is in fact a time for an increase in suicidal feelings.  Understandably, a person’s likelihood of having suicidal thoughts increases with an internal sense of failure. In hopes of addressing an element of both of these, this week in we are celebrating our failures and openly discussing them with each other and with friends and family in hopes of encouraging others to do the same.  We need to be reminded we have all failed and we all will fail again.  Changing our own and everyone else’s perspective on failure is the change we really need to make.

As a people we speak to others of our successes, we boast of our achievements on social media, we fill our CV’s with accomplishments. All of this is important and we should all take pride in those things in which we have excelled. We celebrate our successes for ourselves but maybe we need to spend more time talking about our failures for others. Sharing our low points help others feel they are not alone, help others understand everyone fails, to help others appreciate that success really means learning to accept our failures and moving on to the next adventure.  Failing means you tried something new. It means you pushed yourself to a new level.  It means you were brave. 

I have worked hard in life and been fortunate enough to have had my share of accomplishments of which I am very proud. I have had my share of failures too. I have been able to learn from these failures and in time view them as life lessons (admittedly some needed more time than others). I recognize that my failures are what enabled me to achieve even more than I would have without failing along the way.  To prove this  I volunteered to share a small sample of my failures online:

So here goes, 3 of my more  memorable failures have been:

1. I’ve been fired.

2. I failed military pilot training.

3. I married the wrong man  but didn’t realize it until more than a decade later.

I ask those of you who read this to please celebrate  with me and post an example of a failure you have endured, survived and maybe even overcome.  If you are not comfortable posting, maybe you would be more comfortable telling someone about one?

If collectively we help one person feel less ashamed about their failures from reading of the failures of successful people then this will be a success.  We all fail at times. Getting back up on our feet is what makes us amazing!  

Wishing you failure so that you may achieve success,

Sue